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| Grandmother Freud
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by Dr. David Dawson - Psychiatrist, MD, Author
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Mental health advice can be almost as contradictory as dietary advice. Just this morning the newspaper carried an article about the research of some small group somewhere (who pays attention to that information?) indicating it may be healthy to gripe and complain. About work, weather, traffic, the economy, politicians.
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But earlier research was pretty clear: the optimist lives longer than the pessimist. The sunny disposition is better for health and longevity than the grouchy disposition. The “glass is half full” guy fairs better with stress, health problems, recovery from illness and surgery than the “glass half empty” guy.
One group and school of therapists digs for the root and cause of your problems. They want to know how you felt then and how you feel now. On the edge of this approach there are always therapists who believe you should regress to an earlier age, perhaps the terrible twos, re-experience the pain, the anguish, engage in some primal screaming and pounding of pillows.
Another group, very popular at the moment, wants to teach you better ways of thinking. Don’t catastrophize they tell you. Stop dwelling on the negative. Don’t ruminate. Rephrase your thoughts in a positive manner.
Others will teach you how to manage your anger, what to do before you let loose that primal scream, or, at least, suggest ways you might recognize its approach and express yourself on the back porch rather than in your wife’s face.
There are still others who forgo any attempts to engage with your brain and go for foot rubbing, temple massaging, and sitting cross legged for long periods of time listening to your breathing while repeating an unintelligible syllable.
Each group has its own language, its own explanations and theories, sometimes in big words with Latin derivation. Sometimes what they do is backed up by complex research demonstrating conclusively that one set of subjects between the age of 18 and 30 attending college improved 10 percent more on a paper exercise than a similar group left on the waiting list.
But it has always struck me that grandmother, mine or someone else’s, already, in simpler language, understood all of this. There are times when it is good to “get it off your chest”, to unload the burden, preferably with a supportive and comforting grandmother. And there are other times it can be a comfort to admit or confess, to talk about the cause of your pain, again with a kindly and understanding grandmother. But she would also tell you that it is better to look on the bright side of life, to get up with a smile on your face, to not say anything about another person unless you can say something good. Bees are attracted to honey, not vinegar. Smile more, she would say, you’ll live longer. And if you are getting angry, she would say, count to ten, go for a walk, calm down before saying anything; try to put yourself in the other person’s shoes. She also knew that we human beings thrive on touch, on hugs, holding hands, brushing one another’s hair, and a good massage. And that we all need some time to ourselves, some period of quiet contemplation. Stop and smell the roses, she would say.
So there you have it: Freudian catharsis, Cognitive Behavioural Therapy, Shiatsu, Transcendental Meditation, Rolfing, Anger Management. Just listen to your grandmother. As she would say, perhaps once too often: Everything in moderation, everything in its place. And look both ways before you cross the street.
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